Legacy...

It is not a secret that I have been struggling with my knee and the fallout that comes from the limitations I am facing... and I am sorry if you are tired of hearing about it, but I believe God is really working in my life right now through all of this pain and uncertainty.

Last night, after a particularly trying day, a friend asked me what I wanted my legacy to be about.  I didnt really understand the question because I do not feel as though I am in a position to leave a legacy nor am I on the brink of dying in which a legacy would be required.  So, he rephrased.  "When all is said and done with your knee and things are operating as normal, what do you want to look back on and remember about this time?"

I told him I did not know and asking such a question is rude when it is clear that I am in the midst of the struggle.  What good is it going to be to think about how I want to look back and view this time in my life. But, as I was drifting off to bed, I thought more about what he said and this is what I have come up with:

*I want to remember this time as a time that I truly relied on God to get me through.
*I want to know I was fully committed to a relationship with Him.
*I want to remember that all my doubts regarding spirituality prior to this period of struggle seemed to work themselves out- or at least they seem less problematic
*I want to remember this period of time as one that I placed God at the center of my life and have not looked back since
*I want to remember this time as one where I asked God for healing and peace and my overactive mind was simply calmed (because I asked and he provided)
*I want to remember this time as one where I got to know Jesus again and was reminded that he knows my suffering because he had nails drilled into his body to save my life
*I want to remember this time as one where I stopped trying to control my life and instead allowed God to work in ways I cannot yet imagine

There are so many things that I hope to remember when this is all said and done and I am healthy again.  I remember my brother telling me one of the most important things I can control is how I react to situations.  I cannot always control the situation, but my reaction is completely within what I can control.  I am having surgery again on Thursday because my doctor believes there is too much scar tissue built up and that is what is limiting my range of motion.  There are a lot of factors that are contributing to stress and anxiety but I am trying to let go and allow God to work in my life.

Easier said than done...

A picture I borrowed from Jenna Kempf- Beautiful fall in Colorado!