#11- Rock a dress to an event (or two)

Since my knee surgeries last fall, I have been secretly self-conscious about the way my knee looks.  Check out this post (about the first surgery), this one (the struggles), and this one (about leaving a legacy), and this one (about the skin graft/muscle flap) and this one (about scars).  There are many more that have been written, but those should give you a general idea of what the last 2 years have looked like regarding my knee and recovery.  Today, though the color of the skin graft has faded and matches a little more with my other skin. I have scars that run up and down the sides and front of my knee, but their lines too have faded.  And what is most noticeable to me, is the atrophy that remains in my right quadricep.

So, I purposefully put this on my list to see if I could try to conquer this fear. This past weekend, I had TWO opportunities to gain some confidence in rocking a dress to an event! The first was a celebration night of "new opportunities" with my friend Jenn.  We went out to a local country bar and I decided to go all out and represent my Montana roots! The dress was a lot of fun, but I definitely had some insecurities about wearing it. There are the scars on my knee, my muffin top, and did I mention the dress was really short :)  Jenn was amazing and complimented me on the dress and told me I was being ridiculous thinking those thoughts.  Then when we got to the bar- I received some more compliments.  By about an hour into our night, I felt more confident and those thoughts faded from my mind.

The second opportunity was for Raynelle and Jesse's wedding on Saturday.  I was debating between a couple of dresses and was hesitant to pick the one everyone else really liked.  Again, the dress was short and it was strapless (which for any woman with any sort of a chest realizes how strapless dresses can be awkward). But, after my experience the night before, I was determined to rock it!  We went shopping for some fantastic jewelry to add a little flare to the dress. Again, as we were getting ready to leave, I found myself self-concious about how I looked in the dress (same list as above).  But, I made up my mind to walk out of the house confident and not look back.  The wedding was a blast and I didnt think those thoughts the rest of the night.


Now, looking back on the weekend, I am so excited I was able to fully rock those dresses to the events. I know I still have a ways to go before my first thoughts are positive ones... before I dont notice the muffin-top and dont focus on my knee.  One of the most profound blogs I've posted (if you didnt already read it above) was about the scars on my legs and what they represent.

Lastly, I wish more women were open about their struggles with body image.  Not only just those that struggle with diagnosed eating disorders, but those that are average/normal sizes who struggle.  It seems as though those are the stories that are missing. I hope that maybe this blog will open the door for more discussion about body image and a chance for others to share their stories.

Erin, Jenn and myself at the wedding

Trek Towards Fitness

Its been a while since I have posted a blog about fitness and wellness.  I have to admit, that is likely because the last couple of months did not go so well for me.

I was faithful to the gym and my exercise routine during the month of February- mostly because I had set the goal of working out 19 hours during the month in order to go to the Nike employee store :)  But then March came- and so did the rain.  This year, Portland received the most rain in a single month since 1959.  Rain is fantastic! It calms my soul! But, along with rain comes lack of motivation.  And the more hours spent drinking coffee, wine, and beer.  April went by so quickly that I felt like I didnt even have a chance to go to the gym and May has been one celebratory event after another.  And now, its June... middle of June almost!

Since coming home (6 days ago), I have been able to get back into a routine.  I am getting 8-10 hours of sleep (gasp!), which provides me with enough energy throughout the entire day.  There were times (weeks at a time, really) where I was lucky if I got 6 hours of sleep per night, which left me groggy, terse and depleted of energy.  When the working day was finally over, I was more than content to not make one more stop before home.  The gym and I entered a long distant relationship....

But enough of what happened!  The reason I am writing this post is not to wallow in my excuses, but to climb up from the depths my recent sedentary lifestyle!  I just looked at the calendar today and realized have so much going on in the next couple of months.  Weddings, travel, boards exam, acquire a new job, moving back to Portland, etc.  The list is long folks.  But what I do know is this... I feel better when I am fit.  I feel better about myself.  I feel more energized when going about my day.  And, I feel better about celebrating life's greatest moments over cheesecake or going out for drinks with friends without feeling guilty.

So, maybe we could reach a bit of a compromise?

The past 6 days, I have been logging my food intake and exercise regime into the app MyFitnessPal.  It is fairly easy and straight forward to use and it is on my phone and thus accessible everywhere I go. My favorite feature is the "scan" option (for scanning barcodes), which saves time and effort when entering what you consumed. It can be a challenge to enter homemade items, but you usually find something similar to what you made. I also like that you can add in your workouts, which automatically subtract the calories you've burned from the calories you have consumed for the day.

Time will tell how well this medium works for me to keep track of where I am at in this trek towards wellness. I am by no means a calorie counter (nor do I think that is healthy), but I do believe it is eye-opening when you start writing down what you are eating.  I was shocked how many times I ate because I was bored (mindless calories).  My main goal was to establish a baseline and then set goals to get to where I would like to be- which isnt necessarily a number on a scale, but rather a state of feeling comfortable with my body, energized for daily life and excited about eating well. Additionally, one of the items on my list is to lose 10 pounds. Not only would I like to ditch the extra 10 for the upcoming summer, but I wouldnt mind ditching them forever.  I know this takes hard work, discipline and dedication, but I think it is a decent starting point and a good motivator!  Cheers to starting the summer off on the right foot!

Wellness Wednesday!

This week I have resumed my daily workouts... at least I am trying to ;)

March overall was not a good month of getting to the gym.  I did a better job at monitoring what I consumed and adjusting my perception towards Wellness, but for various reasons, I did not make it to the gym like I would have liked.

So, now that we are halfway through April and only 4 weeks away from returning to Denver, I am reminded of how I felt when I was getting to the gym 4-5 times per week.  I had noticeably more energy. I felt stronger at work.  I fit into my skinnies a little easier.  And most importantly, when I looked in the mirror I smiled :)

One of my goals forever has been establishing a weight-lifting program and adhering to it! Today, I began my arm workout.  It is subject to change as I find exercises that would be more beneficial, but here is what it looks like so far!

-Arnold Presses (3x10 @ 8lbs)
-Lat pull down (3x15 @ 60lbs)
-Free weight pec deck (3x8 @ 8lbs)
-Bench push-ups (to fatigue x3)
-Bench tricep dips (to fatigue x3)

I had originally intended to add more exercises, but after 20 minutes of warm-up cardio, this workout took me about an hour and not only were my arms exhausted, but I was out of time.  The weight and reps listed are the ones I did today.  Hopefully I can continue to increase reps and maybe even weight in the next four weeks.

Now, for some consistency.  I am planning on trying to do cardio at work during lunch and then a quick stop by the gym for weight training would round out my workouts.  There are excuses a mile long, so I just need to do!  Get in the gym and get to work! And maybe a little accountability in the mix- so hold me accountable!