#11- Rock a dress to an event (or two)

Since my knee surgeries last fall, I have been secretly self-conscious about the way my knee looks.  Check out this post (about the first surgery), this one (the struggles), and this one (about leaving a legacy), and this one (about the skin graft/muscle flap) and this one (about scars).  There are many more that have been written, but those should give you a general idea of what the last 2 years have looked like regarding my knee and recovery.  Today, though the color of the skin graft has faded and matches a little more with my other skin. I have scars that run up and down the sides and front of my knee, but their lines too have faded.  And what is most noticeable to me, is the atrophy that remains in my right quadricep.

So, I purposefully put this on my list to see if I could try to conquer this fear. This past weekend, I had TWO opportunities to gain some confidence in rocking a dress to an event! The first was a celebration night of "new opportunities" with my friend Jenn.  We went out to a local country bar and I decided to go all out and represent my Montana roots! The dress was a lot of fun, but I definitely had some insecurities about wearing it. There are the scars on my knee, my muffin top, and did I mention the dress was really short :)  Jenn was amazing and complimented me on the dress and told me I was being ridiculous thinking those thoughts.  Then when we got to the bar- I received some more compliments.  By about an hour into our night, I felt more confident and those thoughts faded from my mind.

The second opportunity was for Raynelle and Jesse's wedding on Saturday.  I was debating between a couple of dresses and was hesitant to pick the one everyone else really liked.  Again, the dress was short and it was strapless (which for any woman with any sort of a chest realizes how strapless dresses can be awkward). But, after my experience the night before, I was determined to rock it!  We went shopping for some fantastic jewelry to add a little flare to the dress. Again, as we were getting ready to leave, I found myself self-concious about how I looked in the dress (same list as above).  But, I made up my mind to walk out of the house confident and not look back.  The wedding was a blast and I didnt think those thoughts the rest of the night.


Now, looking back on the weekend, I am so excited I was able to fully rock those dresses to the events. I know I still have a ways to go before my first thoughts are positive ones... before I dont notice the muffin-top and dont focus on my knee.  One of the most profound blogs I've posted (if you didnt already read it above) was about the scars on my legs and what they represent.

Lastly, I wish more women were open about their struggles with body image.  Not only just those that struggle with diagnosed eating disorders, but those that are average/normal sizes who struggle.  It seems as though those are the stories that are missing. I hope that maybe this blog will open the door for more discussion about body image and a chance for others to share their stories.

Erin, Jenn and myself at the wedding