Catching up June/July

Its been a busy start to the summer. When I think about all that has happened I smile a little because I feel a little bit more like myself. In the same breath, I am also learning my limits and trying to strike a balance between taking care of myself and fulfilling that wanderlust part of me. I have been able to travel a little, go on some adventures in my city and even check off some things on my list. Here is a little recap of the last several weeks (can you believe August is just around the corner??)

Work:
Getting back into the swing of things at work. I am feel like I am able to step back into some of the roles and projects I was working on before I was sick and that has been gratifying. I still get fatigued from a day at work, but it seems to be contained to that evening.

Retreat:
Spent the weekend at a friend's family vineyard and got a chance to get out of Portland for the weekend. It was a nice retreat and I felt rested upon returning. Views of the rolling hills and mount Hood in the background really isnt that bad ;)

Friends visiting:
I have been so lucky to have so many friends who have come to Portland to visit. Camille came a few weeks ago and Kristen was just in town last weekend. Both of these girls are such a blessing in my life and I am thankful for every minute I get with them.

Family time:
I have been able to spend more time with my family these past two months than I thought would be possible. I have made a few trips down to Lebanon to spend with James and Lydia and my brother has been up to stay with me a few nights before taking his boards. All the time spent with these people really feeds my soul. I am so blessed by my family and their regular support in my life.

Travel:
I was able to go back to Minnesota last weekend to spend time with my family there. I got to meet my cousin's little girl and spend quality time with my parents and cousins. The trip was altogether too quick, but thankful I got to see them!

Identity found in a bottle of wine

There are nights… where the only thing that will help make sense of anything, is a glass of wine.  Tonight is one of those nights; only I do not have wine.

When I lived in Oregon, I always had a bottle of wine on hand (if not many) and I always had a friend who wanted to drink a bottle wine (if not many) with me.  Tonight is one of those nights where I am missing that deep, dark, glass of wine that is only to be sipped while lying on the floor, reading Cosmo and telling stories of adventures from the past. 

I miss the reassurance of certainty, though it is arguable if that has ever existed.  I miss the comfort of love- the kind that knows me deeply and loves me anyways.  I miss the rain and how it quiets my soul.  I miss driving in Forest Park with my windows down, blasting my music as I wound my way around every bend I knew by heart- wind flying through my hair, sun peaking through the trees.  I miss the smell of spring and the cherry blossoms along the waterfront- standing still while people jog and ride their bikes past me.

And I deeply believe it is healthy to miss all of those things, but some times, maybe it is necessary to form a new identity.  But what comprises one’s identity?  Appearance?  The ability to relate to humanity? Or maybe it’s the unique characteristics of one’s soul?  And in that case, can you change your identity?

Less we become too philosophical, I feel as though I am on a path that is destine to, in the very least, tweak my identity. 

Change the way I view myself and the world that surrounds me…

Change the way I accept love…

And maybe even change the way I identify being loved.

So even though tonight is just one of those night… where I would give up anything just to sip on a $6.95 + tax bottle of Columbia Crest Cab-Merlot, I will chose to instead ponder how my identity has already changed and what kinds of changes I can make in the future to reveal a more authentic identity to the world!