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For some reason, I have always felt like once I graduated high school, it was my turn to get out of Montana and live my life. This included but was not limited to: going to college, graduating college, falling in love, falling out of love, moving across the country, moving back across the country, applying to graduate school, interviewing for graduated school, getting accepted to graduate school, moving for graduate school, attending graduate school, etc. In the nearly 8 years since I graduated high school (insert gasp as I remember how old I am), I have never felt 100% comfortable when I am home. Allow me to explain...
There are those people who have never left my home town... you know the type. The ones that never graduated high school, or graduated, but did not go to college. Or, those that went to one of the state schools, but was home every other weekend. Then there are those that come back home and live with their parents... for whatever reason. These people have always represented what I did not want. I did not want to be someone who didnt leave. I never wanted to be associated with those that chose not to apply themselves. I wanted to be known as someone who has gone outside of my comfort zone, grabbed the world by the balls and conquered it! Before I move on, it is important for me to explain there is nothing wrong with the above mentioned people. I think everyone's circumstance should go without judgement. Its just not what I wanted for my life.
I dont know the answers to some of these questions, but I will continue to explore these thoughts. Maybe over this break I will reach some conclusions...
1 comment:
I feel the SAME way. Completely. Does it have to do with small(ish)towns and wanting to escape? Or something else? I've even been known to avoid (gasp) people I know but haven't talked to in the almost 10 years (bigger gasp) I've been out of school if I'm at the mall or some other public place. All as my mother makes a scene pointing them out and asking if that is so-and-so and why on earth I am I not rushing over to talk to them. Ugh. I used to get this tight in my stomach anxiety about it. The comparison of where I am in life as opposed to where they are. Many times I felt inadequate once they all started settling down and having families. I felt behind. Then something hit me smack dab between the eyes and I realized that even though I (still) am not married, nor do I have a family of my own creation I am blessed in so many ways. I've been able to travel, get a degree, experience things I would not have been able too (or at least not with the same ease, or the same eyes) if I had stayed, settled down and lived that life. Not that that is not phenomenal and deserves it's due credit. Just not for me. Not right now, or even 10 years ago. Now that tight feeling doesn't settle so much in my chest, I think it took that acceptance and permission from me. And that being said...I'm in the great debate of whether to attend or not attend my 10 yr HS reunion next summer. Gosh...that makes me feel old. I hope you reach some of your conclusions. :)
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