"...where are you from?"

Sometimes I get confused as to where I am from. 

Not confused in the sense that I have forgotten my story, but confused when answering the question, “where are you from?” Do I say Montana?  For that is where I spent the first 18 years of my life.  Do I say Portland? For that is where I spent some of the most important and formidable years of my life.  Do I say Denver?  For that is where I live currently.

This seems like a fairly simple question and one that often finds itself in a conversation with a perfect stranger, where first impressions are everything.  And that is when it can get awkward… 

Glacier Park this winter

If I start out by saying I am from Denver, if the conversation mentions the west coast, I immediately say, “that’s where I am from” without realizing I just said I was from Denver.  Likewise, if I say I am from Montana, but haven’t lived there for almost a decade, strangers get confused.

My current solution is to choose whatever city I feel like I identify with the most at the time.  For example, when I am in Denver, I almost always say I am from Oregon because that is the city (and lifestyle) I miss the most.  But when I was in Oregon, I usually said I was from Montana, just because it is different and unique to be from Montana.

Even though it has been over seven years since I last lived in Montana, there are still many things about me that suggest I grew up in a small country town.  Ask me to say bagel, bag, Vietnamese, etc and you will probably notice a hint of an accent.  Country music, chacos sandals, and North Face jackets are staples in my life. 

But the city is where I feel alive… where I feel most like myself.  While Montana is unique and adventurous, the city is full of diversity and opportunity.  This trip has helped show me how much I enjoy the city.  It has made clear how comfortable I feel walking around in random neighborhoods just to see what people are doing. 

NYC 2007

Balance.  What I need is a balance.  A balance between feeling comfortable and challenged.  I need a place where I am not easily bored by simplicity, but rather engaged by excitement and the uncertainty of risk.  Risk both personally and professionally.  I want to seek the unpredictable and fight to linger within the ambiguity.  And for now, I believe I can do that best in a city.  But at heart, I know I am still a small town girl J