I have found that at the end of the day, my capacity to "pretend I am interested" severely diminishes. Today, I blame my job. All day I work with patients who come from all diffent backgrounds. Each of them need and require something different from me. Some just need someone to listen to them and validate their pain. Others need manual intervention that only a skilled therapist can provide. Others need advice on further medical treatment they need/should seek.
At the end of the day, I am spent. I have given all of my capacity to demonstrate how much I care and value them, first as an individual, second as a medical diagnosis. I often leave work wondering if I should have given more? Wondering if I could have asked just one more question, would I have gotten to the root of their concerns.
On a day like today when I completed 7 evaluations, I feel exhausted. I am tired of listening, tired of scrambling my brain to determine what might be causing their shoulder pain, hip pain or back pain. I am tired of being pressed for time and worse, not getting paid for the time I have to put in order to document all the things I did find wrong with said patients well after they leave.
Our medical system is broken, we know that. What an average American may not know, is what medical providers are being forced to do to break even (we are not even talking about making a profit). Patient time is cut so we can squeeze in more patients because we are not being reimbursed for the care we provide. This not only leaves patients feeling like they are rushed through the system, but it leaves providers feeling like they weren't adequate in providing care. It's truly a lose-lose situation.
And yet, on nights after days like this, all I can think about is going back tomorrow. I love my job. I love my co-workers and I love working for a hospital system that provides specialized care to individuals regardless of their background or diagnosis. I love my profession and the direction it is headed. And those are the things that keep me coming back for more.

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