I like the sound of a sweet solitude...

...and that is exactly what I am having right now: a little time on my own.

Last night I found that I am really tired with they way the world goes round these days. Its almost like I have had too much. Too much noise, too many lies, too much forced laughter. Just too much of everything except for one: my very own inner peace.

So I made a very quick decision, turned my back on everything and listened to my heart.

Surprisingly, what my heart said was quite the opposite of what I have believed to be true these past few days. So I cried...

Because I don't listen to my heart anymore and I felt as though I have been betrayed by myself. And as a result, I have been running from my own shadow only to realize that I was trying to run from my past... that one thing that is unescapable. I will never escape and nor should I strive to do so...

Besides, running cannot solve problems, can it?

Then, in the midst of all those darken thoughts, I found I was jealous of people; of those who love, of whom they love. Because I found it hard to believe that finding true love in this messed up World IS possible. Well, call me pessimistic or a realist, but in my mind, that is what you get when you let your brain wander and leave your heart behind.

Its frustrating and yet beautiful the way my mind can take over in an absolute instant and save my heart from experiencing heartache. The frustrating part is obvious, but their is this rather ironic beauty that accompanies a protected heart... And yet, there is beauty in the breakdown... the absolute emotional breakdown, the kind that rolls over you again and again... the kind that makes you feel as though you have been hit by a truck... yea, that is the kind. Destructive, yet absolutely beautiful!

...and the sound is still buzzing around me. Only, I know the familiar sound this time. That sound? It is the pure noise of my heart calling ME.