Honest love

Today was a rough day... One of those days where hope and healing seem to be just out of reach.

This past week I have been treating a patient who has had a mystery diagnosis. Until today.

Until today, his family had no idea why he was declining so rapidly. They had no answers to why he went from walking independently to not being able to move any of his extremities. No explainable cause for a cognitive slide that has left him unable to say goodbye to his wife, his mother and the myriad of other friends that have been present this past week. But today, his family was told this is in fact goodbye. This is in fact the final days, minutes, moments. For he has been diagnosed with a disease that denatures proteins in his brain, effectively leaving his body without a working brain.

And he is only 33.

It's moments and days like this when I watch his family holding vigil at his bedside, that I am reminded of what true love and devotion for someone looks like. And I can't help be left wondering if I am capable of that kind of love. Because if we are going to be honest, really really honest, days like this make me terrified of loving another person on that level. It makes me think that marriage is committing yourself to another person to the point where one of you is committing to watch the other one pass away. And that's tough.

And yet, I know I desire that level of love and want to be capable of giving that kind of love. And those are the little things that keep me pushing forward, when hope for this family seems to be running out.

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." ~Lao Tzu